Where is my deus ex machina?

"We can never know what to want, because, living only one life, we can neither compare it with our previous lives nor perfect it in our lives to come." - Kundera

I am so tempted to seize planning my life ahead. I just want to quit dreaming. I have had tons of disappointments in life and I feel that I don't need anything more to make me tougher than I am now. I am absolutely fine. I want a happy, convenient life - financially, emotionally, spiritually sound.

But where do I start? I don't have the slightest idea what trouble is ahead of me. I don't know exactly the bearing of my daily wrong decisions on my future misfortune. Shall I let my life take its own course - better yet give my life a life of its own? I am torn.

I have heard from somewhere, some book or movie or friend who attempted to quote a famous person, that whatever path you take in your life it will bring you to a predetermined ending. Your daily decisions will only determine how long it will take you to go the end. Suppose that you decided to take Path 1, took decisions A, B, C, D...Z and shall end up with destination #. The same person assuming making another set of decisions from Z, Y, X...A shall end up still with destination #. With this thought, why should I care about what trouble I encounter daily if I will still end up with my predetermined doom?

Why is it so difficult to know what I want? Why is it so tough deciding about my life? I know that what I have had accomplished is considerably good however, I still feel directionless. No matter what planning I do, I don't get to see where my destination # is.

I shall find my deus ex machina. I badly need one right now.