Waiting for Deus Ex Machina

"I had strayed. I had enjoyed what is forbidden. I am weak."

I had met Flame three years ago through David (an acquaintance who later on became my transitory rudder). Albeit short-lived, I remained in awe and adoration. The absolute trance the flame offers worked for me. It made me endure whatever's thrown at me - joblessness, emotional battery, disfunctional family and a lot more. Flame brought me back to my senses, enlightened me, and made me feel an unbelievable invincibility.

Pre-Flame - my life then was a mess. I did things I perceive now as categorically "wrong". I value nothing but myself and material things. I envy the rich and famous. I was pissed every moment things will not go my way. I loathed my family. I felt directionless. I wanted to do a lot of things but I knew I couldn't. I was empty.

Flame - Short-lived ecstasy. I lived my days then not knowing where to get things I need, but heck everything falls into my hands without me asking for it. My sister, who was pregnant at that time, offered to take care of my school since I involuntarily resigned from my company. I was not bothered by the emotional difficulties I was having, I had a strong fortress.

Post-Flame - Back to Pre-Flame. (But I don't hate my family now. Thanks to ee!)

Re-Flame - Let us see what will happen.

I am weak. I shall not be weak. I am not weak. But I am.